I’m sorry, but again I’ve had a period where I’ve often been very busy and where I haven’t come around to blogging on my blog. I could say it like this: I’ve gotten delayed and found it hard to sit down and do some blogging in the business of my life and in a situation where I’ve often had very much to deal with. However, I know that I could’ve chosen to sit down and blog several times, so it’s not that it’s not been possible for me, but unfortunately I’ve kept on putting it off and at the same time often been very busy and had very much to do and deal with, and then blogging has become one of those things that it hasn’t been so easy to do, and I guess that it hasn’t been so tempting to sit down and do it either, often, because in a busy life period one often wants to relax and feel no pressure, and with my blog there has been some kind of pressure for me in a way, because I’ve had a lot of ideas and wishes for what to write here.
The thing is, though, now that I think about it, I don’t have to put any pressure upon myself about writing things, and I can just write down my ideas for what to write about, and whenever I feel I want to and have time available for it, I can spend time on writing about those things I’ve got on my list of blog ideas. I also want to mention that this evening I really felt like blogging, and after sitting down to do it, in a room of my own, being on a Christmas holiday at my father-in-law’s place, I have felt that it’s quite relaxing and rather nice to be sitting and doing some blogging, and it’s actually a pleasant way for me to be getting some ME-time, if you know what I mean.
When it comes to my blog, I’ve often had many ideas for what to write about here during the last months, and unfortunately I have – as mentioned – found it hard to come around to doing blogging lately, and also in general many times this year. With that I’ve sometimes felt a bit sad about not having written about certain occasions or episodes that I wanted to write about, and like with many other things I’ve often felt as if I was “behind schedule”. I’ve often felt delayed, and I’ve felt like I’ve gotten a bigger and bigger pile of blogging ideas to deal with as time has gone. However, my blog is for now only a hobby blog, and no one has told me to put out a certain amount of posts here or something like that, and it’s just I, myself, that in a way has put some pressure on myself by having lots of blogging ideas that I’ve wanted to do something about, around a certain time, often. In any case, I can still write about a lot of those things I’ve wanted to write about, even if my blog texts are “delayed” in a way. Futhermore, when it comes to episodes in my life I’ve wanted to write about, it’s still possible to write about them long after they have happened. Whenever things from the past are written about, they can always be put out onto my blog, because stories from our lives can be told as long as the one who experienced the story is still alive.
One of the things I now believe I should do in the nearest future, is 1) to make a long list of all my blogging ideas, 2) plan for when I’m going to do blogging, but also 3) be open for spontaneous blogging sessions like I’ve had many times before and like I in a way have tonight, and 4) first of all just have fun and enjoy my blogging, because it is one of my many hobbies, and one that I really like doing. I basically think I should put less pressure on myself when it comes to my blogging, and I should think that in the future I can always catch up on writing on my blog and fulfilling the writing projects here that I’ve thought of. There’s always a chance in the future to write more, as long as I put aside time for it, and even five minutes of writing can make a difference on my blog.
When it comes to catching up it’s something that I sometimes have felt as a difficult topic, because for me it has often been related to me feeling that I’m delayed or “behind schedule” on different tasks or projects, and I’ve had things to do piling up for me again and again. Unfortunately I often struggle with planning and organization of my time, and I easily get delayed, and I often struggel with getting started on things and getting things done too. Things can vary and are not always very challenging for me on these mentioned areas, but I often struggle with getting a lot of things that I ideally want to get done, done, especially when my life feels very busy and there’s much for me to think about or deal with. This can for instance often happen when it comes to preparing birthday gifts and Christmas gifts. Sometimes I’m not planning ahead enough and/or starting soon enough with my preparations for a birthday, and then I can for instance get delayed with buying a birthday gift to someone in my family, especially if I’e got a lot to think about, and I can easily forget it around that time I ideally should be doing it, and also if I’m delayed with getting it done, I can easily forget about it later on in between. Often I think about things that I haven’t gotten around to do in between, and they can sometimes feel as if they are all hanging over me as a burden or pressure of things to do.
Sometimes I get delays and things I feel I need to catch up on on many areas of my life at the same time, and sometims all these delays and undone tasks just adds up to a bigger and bigger pile, in my head in a way, and then if I think about lots of them at the same time, which I often have done the last years, I can feel very overwhelmed and like it’s all too much for me. I’ve often felt like that during this year and during the last 2-3 years. Basically, it’s something that easily happens with me, because I often struggle with doing all those things I ideally want to do, for different reasons, but it’s mainly because I’ve got Asperger’s syndrome, and in a way I just can’t have too much pressure on me or too much to try to do, because that’s not good for me and can often make me feel very stressed or overwhelmed. Then at the same time I want to catch up on things, like birthday gifts, and I’ve done that many times this year by sometimes buying and giving out delayed birthday gifts and other gifts that was meant for a very long time ago, sometimes even for special occasions that was over a year ago. I did that recently for instance, and by doing that I was catching up on things to do. Now I’m almost finished catching up on giving out those gifts that I want to give out for people around me, so that feels good.
However, the thing is, all this catching up on things, is maybe not always good for me, especially not if I put pressure on myself to do certain things in the first place, like giving out birthday gifts. With putting pressure on myself to do certain things, I might make my life harder for myself than necessary, and I’m thinking that perhaps I should try getting better at accepting that I’m often finding that doing a lot in a short amount of time and being very busy is often very difficult and sometimes not very healthy for me, and that I don’t always manage to do as many things as I ideally want to do within a certain amount of time, and that I don’t have to try to do as much as many others do. I’m me, and I’m ok as me, and I can be me. I often have high expectations of myself, lots of things I want to achieve, and many ideas about things to do, but in real life I often struggle with getting it all out into life, achieving everything I want to, and I have sometimes felt upset, low, sad or dissapointed because of these things. It’s not always easy for me to handle that I’m often struggling with getting things done and that I easily get delayed in my process of getting things done, and I have many times experienced to feel low and perhaps I can say a bit depressed because of it. It can be very upsetting and sad for me to think about all the things I haven’t managed to get done and to know that I’m very far behind in relation to all the things I’ve got to do, but I believe that I need to accept my own limitations and remind myself of them and try to not expect or demand too much of myself, and I need to try to make my life easier for myself.
It’s ok for me to try to do some catching up sometimes, and I think that sometimes it is necessary, but certain things can be cut out, and sometimes I think I just need to accept that some things I just didn’t come around to doing, and then just let it be and stop thinking that I should try to get it done. Instead of thinking a lot about things I want to be cathing up on, as I think I have done sometimes, I should focus mainly on the here and now and on the future. I can try to become more organized and get better at doing things in a good time in the future, and at the same time I need to make sure I don’t put too much pressure on myself and accept that I can’t try to do too much in one go or in a short amount of time, because trying to do too much, easily leads to stress, and I can quickly become very stressed by having too much to do and think about. Catching up can be good, but I should find a balance in relation to catching up and sometimes accept that I didn’t get something done and then just leave it like that.
Now I’ve written for a long time, and it’s late, so I have to say good night. Sleep well, and good night, and have a happy Christmas holiday, all of you, my readers!